On Monday’s Raw SuperShow, Sycho Sid shockingly returned to WWE. The beating that he summarily laid on Heath Slater, however, was slightly less than shocking. In fact, as WWE hurtles toward the historic 1,000th episode of Raw SuperShow - which airs July 23 at 8/7 CT on USA Network – The One-Man Band has been suffering numerous beat downs from Raw guest stars and WWE Superstars alike. Basically, every time Slater has opened his mouth, someone has shown up and shut it for him.
On the June 18 episode of Raw SuperShow, the domineering three-time WWE Tag Team Champion got what he deserved when “Rowdy” Roddy Piper poked him in the eyes and music icon Cyndi Lauper smashed a framed gold record on his head. And just a week before that, Slater found himself on the unfortunate end of the return of “Vader Time.”
But we at WWE.com prefer to look at the glass as being half-full. So, in light of the unfortunate competitor’s recent of getting taken down a notch by a Grammy winner, a WWE Hall of Famer and other returning stars of the squared circle, who else should take to smashing Slater?
In that vein, check out 14 current and iconic WWE Superstars, in addition to A-list, B-list and pugilist celebrities, who would make great “Slater Haters!”
At WrestleMania XXVIII, best-selling hip-hop artist Flo Rida got Miami’s Sun Life Stadium rocking with performances of his hit songs "Wild Ones" and "Good Feeling." However, the award-winning rapper arguably saved his biggest “hit” for after his performance, when he was confronted by The One-Man Band. Refusing to tolerate any of Slater’s boasts and insults, Flo Rida promptly tossed the red-headed Superstar into a wall, proving that this musician is capable of busting much more than sick rhymes. Who better to take Slater down a peg than a celebrity who already has experience in the field?
Since Slater was previously on the business end of a gold record to the dome from a pop culture icon from the ’80s, courtesy of Cyndi Lauper, perhaps another headshot from an award-winning musician from that era could be in the cards for The One-Man Band. Like Lauper, Pat Benatar has plenty of gold and multi-platinum records with which to batter a certain WWE Superstar from Pineville, W.Va. If Benatar were to make an appearance on Raw, she could entertain the WWE Universe with a couple of her greatest hits like “Heartbreaker” or “Love Is a Battlefield.” However, if Slater were to interrupt her performance with the words, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” Mrs. Benatar would surely comply.
As "The Baddest Man on the Planet," a boxing legend, former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World and a WWE Hall of Famer, Mike Tyson packs more punch than anyone on this list. “Iron” Mike has shown in the past that when he makes an appearance in WWE, somebody is getting knocked out. If the hard-hitting competitor were to make an unexpected return to Raw – maybe in promotion of his appearance in the upcoming “WWE ’13” video game – the outspoken former member of The Nexus could find himself joining the likes of Marvis Frazier, Trevor Berbick and Michael Spinks. He could be theretofore known as “The One-Man, One-Toothed Band.”
From a boxer, to an A-list actor who stripped to his boxers on the “Late Show with David Letterman.” Always ready to crack a joke or a tabloid photographer, Alec Baldwin would be a riot on Raw SuperShow. If Slater’s annoying antics weren’t enough to get the tightly wound Baldwin riled up, just give The One-Man Rock Band a camera. To make things more interesting, Slater should bring a few buds – say Jinder Mahal, David Otunga and Drew McIntyre – and Alec can bring his brothers – Daniel, Stephen and William – and the WWE Universe can witness the first-ever Baldwin Battle Royal.
“Brace for impact!” With those words, Captain Chesley Sullenberger commenced the emergency landing of US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River in an event that has since become known as “The Miracle on the Hudson.” All 155 souls on board the aircraft survived, and “Sully” has become regarded as an American hero. Receiving the Master's Medal from the Guild of Air Pilots and Air Navigators, the key to the city of New York City and a host of other medals and recognitions might make it seem as if there is nothing left for the celebrated jet-jockey to accomplish. Well, almost nothing. A visit to Raw SuperShow or SmackDown and a savage beating of Heath Slater would really round out the resume of one of this country’s greatest aviators. If a flock of geese and an engine-less Airbus A320 couldn’t stop the heroic Captain Sullenberger, how could the irascible One-Man Band? Heath Slater, you might want to brace for impact.
The iconic Demon of Death Valley has not been seen in WWE since his classic “End of an Era” Hell in a Cell brawl with Triple H at WrestleMania. And while The Phenom seems to rarely make appearances on WWE television these days, The One-Man Band’s boastfulness and mockery of Superstars might just be tempting the fates to a delicately dark end. After deriding Vader and Sycho Sid in previous weeks, what if The One-Man Band emerged as “The UnderSlater” and started imitating one of the greatest Superstars of all time? Would that be enough to bring The Deadman out of his peaceful rest?
WWE is only big enough for one Slater. The star of “Heathers,” “True Romance” and, of course, “Broken Arrow,” was starring in multi-million dollar feature films when Heath Slater was still in short pants. Christian Slater should drop onto SmackDown and remind The One-Man Band who the first and only “true” Slater really is. While they’re at it, maybe, WWE could also get Mario Lopez to drop by and resurrect the classic “Saved by the Bell” jock A.C. Slater – allowing the WWE Universe to stand witness to the first-ever Triple Slater Threat Match. Three Slaters enter, only one Slater leaves.
It seems like Heath Slater and WrestleMania alumni Snooki of “Jersey Shore” fame should be fast friends. They’re both loquacious, uber-confident, orange-hued television stars who just like having a good time. However, if Snooki were to return to WWE for the first time since her December 12, 2011, acceptance of the 2011 A-Lister of the Year Slammy Award, even she would surely not tolerate Slater’s particular brand of Southern obnoxiousness. With her typical style and sass, “Jersey Shore’s” “meatball” could dispatch The One-Man Band and add another humiliating beating to Slater’s rapidly growing resume of shame.
If and when Brock Lesnar returns to the WWE ring, there is no doubt he would bring the pain. The One-Man Band would be a prime target for Lesnar’s savage elbow strikes and devastating Kimura Lock. Pretty much every WWE fan and Superstar – besides Slater himself – would like to see that onslaught. Even if Lesnar does not appear in a WWE ring ever again, his legal representative Paul Heyman could at least serve Slater with some strongly worded paperwork – citing the obnoxious Superstar’s constant defamation of his own character. Bringing the pain, indeed.
The star of such box office gold as “The Chronicles of Riddick,” “xXx” and “The Pacifier,” Vin Diesel most recently shared the silver screen with The Rock in the global mega-hit “Fast Five.” As his character Dom Toretto of the “Fast & Furious” franchise stated, “Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's winning.” And, after spending so much time with The Most Electrifying Superstar in All of Entertainment, it stands to reason that this goal-oriented attitude would serve Diesel well in a squared circle confrontation with one of WWE’s most loathed personalities.
Heath Slater would be unwise to interrupt yet another successful musician on Raw. Multi-platinum recording artist Coolio has plenty of gold records – along with and Grammy and MTV Video Music Awards – with which to bash The One-Man Band into silence. If Slater tried the same antics he did during Lauper’s appearance, his unpleasant crooning of, “I’m a one-man baaa-aaaaand” could be interrupted by the haunting choral vocals of the mega-hit “Gangsta’s Paradise.” Coolio could show Slater and the WWE Universe how a real musician does it. Hopefully, the braided rap superstar would give Slater a battering that would spare the WWE Universe any more musical performances from The One-Man Band.
It wouldn’t be fair if the pleasures of “Slater hating” was limited to legends of WWE and of the stage and screen. Current Superstars and Divas should also be able to get in on all the fun. Sin Cara has smashed Slater as recently as the May 29 episode of SmackDown, so Slater is already well aware of the Mexican sensation’s high-flying moves. Yet oddly enough, when and if the ring competitors do cross paths again, there are a good number of members of the WWE Universe that would prefer The One-Man Band to be the Superstar who wore a mask and did not speak.
Taking Heath Slater down a notch may not require a Herculean effort, but it sure couldn’t hurt. Kevin Sorbo, the strapping star of “Hercules: The Legendary Adventures” is surely up to any challenge Slater could issue. Slater loves to interrupt and insult anyone who comes to Raw. But the man who brought “Kull the Conqueror” to life might be too tall an order.
Anyone who knows anything about The Muppets knows that you don’t want to arouse Miss Piggy’s anger. The temperamental Muppet displayed just how angry she can get on her last Raw appearance on October 31, 2011, after Hornswoggle not only ruined her chances with the dreamy John Morrison, but proceeded to steal a kiss from her! Miss Piggy gave Hornswoggle a karate chop he won’t soon forget. After seeing what kind of damage Miss Piggy is capable of, Slater would have to be out of his mind to mock this Muppet.
Who did WWE forget? Can you think of actors, musicians or WWE Superstars past and present who should take Heath Slater down? Let us know on Facebook and Twitter and tune into the historic 1,000th episode of Raw SuperShow July 23 at 8/7 CT on USA Network!