What is a mustache? According to former WWE NXT Rookie Eli Cottonwood, it’s “a little bit of hair growing over the upper lip.” ( WATCH) While Eli’s not too far off the mark, we here at WWE Classics think mustaches can be so much more. Countless wrestlers throughout the years have adorned their faces with lip fur that would make Burt Reynolds jealous. These Superstars’ mustaches have become so synonymous with them that if they shaved them off, it would be like looking at entirely different men.
But whose ’stache reigns supreme? To find out the answer to this burning question, we went to the WWE’s ultimate authority on mustaches, the lovely Kaitlyn. The Diva is a self-described “mustache enthusiast” and was more than happy to help us settle the score when it comes to sports-entertainment’s best lip warmer. ( PHOTOS)
So without further ado, WWE Classics is proud to present Wrestling’s Greatest Mustaches, as determined by Kaitlyn!
Whether you loved him or hated him, there’s no question that Jake “The Snake” Roberts creeped everybody out at some point. Maybe it was the fact that he carried around a humongous python in a sack slung over his shoulder, the way he slithered around the ring like a reptile or the mustache he wore on his face, something (or everything) about Roberts made people uneasy.
But while snakes aren’t known for their facial hair, Roberts’ soup strainer only added to his eerie persona. Kaitlyn concurred.
“He looks like he has stuff hiding in his mustache,” The Hybrid Diva said. “Not a bird’s nest — that’s too small — but maybe there’s a tiny mustache comb hidden in there and then some macaroni.”
While we can’t say for sure whether “The Snake” hid foreign objects in his ’stache, we wouldn’t put it past the slimy Superstar.
Everything about “Ravishing” Rick Rude oozed sexy: the chiseled body, the unparalleled confidence and even the mustache. Rude’s lip sweater was as much part of his persona as the hip swiveling and airbrushed tights that made him one of the top Superstars during the late 1980s. But does a modern woman like Kaitlyn go for The Ravishing One’s ’stache today?
Unfortunately, not. It turns out the Facebook photo duckface doesn’t do it for Kaitlyn. And while digging through the WWE photo archives, we were hard pressed to find a photo of Rude where he wasn’t blowing imaginary kisses.
“I’m not liking it because he’s making a kissy face,” she said. “It looks like a Myspace photo.”
Few mustachioed wrestlers have ever had the swagger of Magnum TA. Named because of his resemblance to Tom Selleck, star of “Magnum, P.I.,” TA had a bushy mustache that rivaled Selleck’s and many others in Hollywood. A former United States Champion, Magnum TA earned the respect of men for his toughness in the squared circle, while his rugged good looks made him the ladies’ choice.
For Kaitlyn, Magnum’s classic mustache earned him the No. 8 spot in her top 10.
“The reason I like his mustache so much is because when you draw one, you draw it with arches like that,” she said. “It’s like a cartoon mustache.”
“Cameraman, ZOOM!”
The Iron Sheik always bellowed for his close-up during interviews while he alternated between flexing and twisting his pointy mustache like a silent movie villain who had just tied some damsel in distress to train tracks.
The WWE Universe got up close and personal with the Iranian strongman and his dastardly face fur throughout his career. Whether he was forcing the towel to be thrown in on WWE Champion Bob Backlund or cracking a helpless foe with “Classy” Freddie Blassie’s ever-present cane, Sheik was always quick to rub it in the faces of jeering fans with a hearty laugh and a twirl of his ’stache.
According to Kaitlyn, though Iron Sheik’s mustache is very by-the-book, she says the WWE Hall of Famer makes it work.
“It’s got a good arch and good shape,” the Diva said. “It’s not anything spectacular, but it’s classic. That could be a model mustache.”
“Mean” Gene Okerlund was a calming voice among the over-the-top Superstars of the 1980s and 1990s. He did his best to make as much sense as possible of a universe filled with maniacs running around in face paint, birds, snakes, Elvis impersonators, giants and little people.
Part of “Mean” Gene’s authoritative essence was the hair that grew from his upper lip. Okerlund’s mustache commanded respect from all of the Superstars he questioned, good or evil. He always had the latest scoops, whether it was backstage at WrestleMania or on WCW’s infamous hotline.
It’s hard to imagine the WWE Hall of Fame broadcast journalist without his iconic mustache, a sentiment with which Kaitlyn concurred.
“I feel like it’s kind of an extension of his lip, which is kind of cool,” she explained. “He has no upper lip. His upper lip is a mustache.”
The Hulkster carefully cultivated a look that made him one of the most popular Superstars of all time. Covered in bright yellow from head to toe with bleach blond hair and the tanned physique of a Greek god, Hogan ensured that people’s attention would always divert to him.
But to tie the package together, Hulk added a full handlebar mustache to his face. A perfect arch going from his upper lip to his chin, The Hulkster’s Fu Manchu was bleached to match his golden mane. It accentuated The Hulkster’s blustery breaths as he huffed and puffed to the ring for epic encounters around the world.
“Do you know how many blond handlebar mustaches have been worn and been acceptable in society because of this?” Kaitlyn said when discussing Hogan’s mustache.
“This one is an instant classic.”
Although we’re not aware of too many mustachioed dogs, this one sports some of the finest facial hair ever to come out of the state of Michigan. Dubbed “The Dog-Faced Gremlin,” Rick Steiner rose to fame as half of a tag team with his brother, Scott.
The big, bushy handlebar growing on Rick’s face accentuated his rough around the edges personality. Steiner’s ’stache made him look quite like a canine as he ran around the ring, barking at his opponents.
Our resident mustache expert was awed by the Michigan native’s facial hair.
“I am impressed with the thickness of this handlebar,” Kaitlyn said, noting another piece of hair “The Dog-Faced Gremlin” added to the mix.
“[I like] the little touch of class with the soul patch. I am impressed.”
While The Game has, for the most part, sported a full beard during his WWE career, Triple H makes Kaitlyn’s list for the mustache he cultivated starting in summer 2005.
A little bit Harley Race and a little bit Lemmy, Triple H’s mustache extended from his upper lip to his sideburns, making him look like an old-timey boxer or someone who might fit in well with the Sons of Anarchy.
But The Game’s ’stache kept his face warm while he ruled over Raw as the leader of Evolution and later as he and Shawn Michaels created chaos as the reunited D-Generation X.
But what nets Triple H the No. 3 spot on Kaitlyn’s countdown?
“Overall, it has great shape and really fits his face,” The Hybrid Diva told WWE Classics. “It almost looks like it’s two-toned. It’s darker around the chops, which I like, because it’s thicker. Then there’s a lighter shade filling it in.”
Perhaps a dark horse in many people’s rankings, Ox Baker is the runner-up, according to Kaitlyn. This mountain of a man terrorized opponents with his devastating heart punch, which was rumored to have sent several opponents to the morgue.
Wearing T-shirts that proclaimed “I love to hurt people” and “You will hate me,” Ox sported an unforgettable mustache. His handlebars grew out into bushy tendrils that extended way past his chin, almost touching his barrel chest.
Kaitlyn described Baker’s mustache as “epic,” but was quick to point out something else on Ox’s face that added to his mean persona. His eyebrows were styled upward, creating symmetry of sorts.
“The eyebrows balance out the epicness of the handlebar,” she said. “It’s so awesome!”
Coming to the ring wearing a red turtleneck sweater and a bowler hat atop his head, Big Bully Busick looked like he stepped out of a time machine from the early 1900s. He lived up to his name, as he tormented children in the audience, popping their balloons before he dismantled opponents in the ring.
But what stood out most about Busick was his incredible mustache. What started out as a bushier version of Iron Sheik’s mustache turned into a full on handlebar that extended all the way to his ears. While Busick’s WWE tenure may not have lasted long, his facial hair is etched in history as Kaitlyn’s favorite mustache.
“There are no sideburns, which is amazing,” Kaitlyn explained. “All the focus is on the mustache,” Kaitlyn explained. “He’s got a ‘Burt Reynolds’ going on and then this weird handlebar thing that goes into mutton chops, but no sideburns.”
Losing her breath for a moment, the clearly smitten Diva finally exclaimed, “This is the coolest mustache I’ve ever seen.”